Growing Pains

This weekend that has just come and gone was quite a sad one for little ol' me, not to say that sad things happened, only that I always happened to find myself feeling more down than up on cloud nine, which is quite a change for me. I was fine when I was doing things: when I was around people, but as soon as I was sitting in my beautiful little apartment, I felt a dark cloud over me.

I couldn't put a finger on this feeling. As a very privileged person in this world, I don't feel like I ever have a reason to be sad or more so that there are a million more reasons to be happy, than all the valid reasons there are to be sad, yet here I was, feeling sad for no reason. Having come out of such a mood, I would have to sum up the feeling as a growing pain. I often find that when you are younger and still in school, you have huge dreams for who you want to be one day, and often they are unrealistic - not unobtainable, but you don't yet have a grasp on financials and degrees and the general knowledge that comes with this Big, Bad World in which you have to remain level-headed, streetwise and realistic while still fueling your dreams to be a bigger, better you.

As well as that, you often think, when you are younger, that when you are in University you have suddenly got it all figured out. I remember when I was in grade 8 and I looked at my matrics of that year, I just thought they were so grown up and they knew who they were and what they wanted to do and they had their life-plan sorted. Having now finished matric myself, I have realised that is not the case. The truth does not even come close to that. You don't have your life figured out and you are only in the midst of figuring out who you are. As I mentioned earlier this year, I feel like, having lived on my own now for only 4 months, I have found out more about myself than I ever did in my 18 years of living at home, so I couldn't possibly have had my life figured out in matric.

Yesterday I watched Jenna Marble's video Draw My Life, and even she, at age 26, having already done a lot with her life, does not have it figured out. She is still discovering who she wants to be and what she wants to do with the rest of her life. Another thing she says, which is probably the second strongest message to me in her video, is that if she did have it all figured out, she thinks she would be doing something wrong because you are meant to feel confused about such things in life. I believe that, too.

As people, we need a certain amount of resistance in life. As we have learnt in class this year, the Amoeba cell, which is single-celled-organism, thrives in a dirty environment. If you ever had to take the Amoeba out and put it in a fresh environment with pure air and clean water, it would cease to exist. It is the same with us as humans. We grow through the hardships of life. When times are hard, we live and learn. If we didn't, we would become stagnant and boring. Through our ever-changing, sometimes difficult but beautiful life, we will learn to grow, thrive and excel if we have the right mindset.

I can no longer picture where I will be in 2 years time. I used to be able to picture it, but I can't anymore and I think that's okay. It's never good to live in the future anyway, to a certain degree, because life is right now. For the time being, I plan on doing exactly what I love now, and taking the next few years of my life step-by-step. I cannot make decisions which have not yet arrived in my life for me to make.

There is one thing I do know: I love to inspire people. When someone tells me that something I have done or written or said has inspired them, my heart swells with a feeling that is unlike any other. Even if I don't know anything else right, I know that, and I know this: I want to spend my life inspiring people and making people's lives bigger and better by showing them that they can always be bigger and better individuals. Through that I know I will have created something greater than myself.

Pretty much.

Cape Town-Living and Zimbabwe-holiday-ing

Cape Town-living is beyond perfect.

I have never felt so happy and so free. There is always so much going on in the City of Cape Town. Every night, there are, on average, three different places to go to/ things happening - even on the weekdays. The party never ever stops - and seriously, what is better than a never-ending party when you're 19 and taking the world by a storm?

However, at the moment, I am not in Cape Town. I am in Zimbabwe for the first time in 3 years, and this, too, makes me very, very happy. Because my Academy's vacation-timing is a little off-balance with the rest of South Africa's University vacations, I only had one weekend in Zimbabwe with my friends who live here before they all went back to their respective Universities in South Africa, and because my family and I were spending Easter weekend at Lake Kariba, and because I begged them to leave on Saturday morning instead of Friday afternoon, I actually only had 1 night with them - and, of course, it was a memorable night indeed.

It was memorable because of the fact I was running on a total of 1.5 hours sleep - even 2 hours would be pushing it. The Thursday night before I left for Zim, myself and a few friends had our last night out in Cape Town before returning after Easter. We went out only to have brought more friends back to my apartment. Everyone cleared out by 3h30, I managed to get into bed for a few minutes before it was 4h00 and we had to start getting up, showered and packed for our flight to Johannesburg at 6h00. We (because I flew with a friend) had a 2 hour flight to Joburg, a 5 hour wait in Joburg before our 1 hour and 45 minute flight to Zimbabwe. Upon arriving in Zimbabwe, I had a few minutes to change at home before we were off to a friend's braai and from the braai, we were off clubbing again and by 7h00 I was  back in the car, on the way to Kariba.

I just got back from (I don't fish, you see. I find it boring, sitting and waiting for a bite on the end of your hook which is more than likely not to come at all, and I feel sorry for the fish.)
Kariba, actually. It was such a beautiful weekend. I realised there actually is nothing better than lying at the front of a speedboat, under the hot sun, tanning with a book in your hands.

I've been reading The Innocent Man by John Grisham - an author I absolutely love. Unfortunately, I'm finding this book a little hard to get into and I was scared I wasn't going to finish it by the end of March, and so I would be behind on number 22 of my Life List: read one book a month for a year. However, I found mom's copy of The Fault In Our Stars by John Green on Friday and I managed to finish it on Sunday morning - how is that for good timing? I'm still ploughing through with John Grisham, but TFIOS was a beautiful book that had me in tears at the end. (This is the third book this year that has had me in tears, and each time I have finished each book, I have been with my dad. "You must stop reading this books, Noo Noo!" my dad says. Every. Time.)

Since I'm obsessed with quotes, I wrote down some quotes from TFIOS that swept me off my feet and made my heart swell in the way only beautiful words can. Here are some of them [no spoilers]:

I thought being an adult meant knowing what you believe, but that has not been my experience.

I'm in love with you, and I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. Im in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into a void, and that oblivion in inevitable, and that we're all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labour has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I am in love with you.

I thought of my dad telling me that the universe wants to be noticed. But what we want is to be noticed by the universe, to have the universe give a shit what happens to us - not the collective idea of sentient life, but each of us, as individuals.

Lovely, no?

Also, have I mentioned that  I'M GOING TO AMSTERDAM AND GERMANY IN JULY? 

If you've got any sort of travel tips, stories, places to go to, places to avoid, activities to do it would be much appreciated if you could send me an email, leave a comment or if you will be in either places at such a time, it would be lovely to meet up.

Above: a picture from our Lion's Head Full Moon Hike last month. Table Mountain stands to the right of this picture, and it had the biggest cloud-blanket I have ever seen over it. It was beautiful. If this doesn't want to make you move to/ visit Cape Town, you should just... I don't know. Get out. Get out right now.

The Highs And The Lows Of Moving Up And On

I don't know what it is about living on your own, but, in my opinion, you certainly learn more about yourself than you ever did before. Seriously. I feel like I have gotten to know myself better in almost 3 weeks than I ever did in the whole 18 years and 11 months before this while I still lived at home.

Maybe it's because you have only yourself to depend on. Maybe it's because, this time, you really do have to pay attention to how the washing machine works because, well, you actually have to do the laundry.

This all sounds very pathetic to someone who has been doing this for a good few years of their life - I understand this. I also know that a few of my friends who are the same age as me have been doing this for a few years back at home. I was (am) fortunate enough to have a mom who has dedicated her entire life to my sister and I. She will never know how grateful I am for the most incredible childhood she has given me. I am also extremely proud of her, and again, extremely grateful, and I strongly admire her strength in bravery, especially yesterday, when she had to leave Cape Town behind, along with my sister in boarding school and me in my apartment (soon to be starting varsity). I can imagine it is never easy to watch your children have to start a whole new life on their own, and it's even harder not being able to help them, as you have done for 18 years. I know I have yet to understand my mom's feelings even better when I have kids of my own someday. (Someday being the operative word here - like, waaaay in the future).

I felt a bit low yesterday when my parents left. I vegetated on the couch for a bit, watching White Collar. I didn't even make myself a proper lunch. I just threw some tinned things together. It didn't last long - after a couple of hours I was back on my feet, running errands and I even went to see a movie by myself. I realised, and I have said a few times to mom, yes - I am going to be sad. Yes - my sister is going to be sad. There are going to be times when I crawl into the foetal position on my floor and wish my mom was with me to look after me when I'm sick, or just help me with all this housework. Even my mom still wishes her mom was with her when she is sick - I don't think we ever stop needing our moms. The sadness and the helplessness is inevitable. It is all part of leaving home and growing up.

However, there is also the positivity and the excitement that is all a part of growing up. I can't think of a better place to be lonely in than Cape Town. You honestly can't stay sad for more than a day in this city. It is way too beautiful and there is way too much to do. I've promised myself that whenever I'm feeling a little down, I will look at the mountain from my balcony and remind myself that there is so much to smile about.

Have you left home recently? Have you gone through a major change in the last couple of years? Are you in your late-twenties, having left home years ago? What challenges did you face? I'd love to hear.

P.S. If you haven't yet done so, check out my fitness and health blog here.

Sometimes, And Only Sometimes, Technology Is Good To Me

Ahh, sometimes technology is amazing.

I managed to figure out how to turn my iPhone into a wi-fi router (very simple - it's under Settings) which I can now connect to via my Macbook and in turn I can finally share some pictures with you guys...

At Muizenberg Beach with my Uncle who I spent the first couple of days in Cape Town with, along with my Aunt

New Years celebrations!

A day-trip out to Hout Bay (after a failed trip to Boulders Beach...)

These two crazy kids stayed with me for a few days... I have mad love for both of them.

Student night - best spent in Cape Town...

The morning of my 19th - about to open presents. (HEHEHE)

A dad, a little sister and a birthday girl.

It's very windy in Cape Town, as one may gather from my facial expressions...

Family-cuddle on the beach

Dad helping someone fly their kite in order to surf.

A walk on the beach

... And then my battery died.

Finally - a little show-and-tell-action for my new home

Feel-Good People & A New Year's Philosophy

You know you get those feel-good people in life? There are very few in life. They are the people that completely understand you and all your quirks. You know for certain that you can speak freely around them and never have to sugar-coat anything. You can speak to them about anything because you know that they will never truly judge you with anything that you do. You always have a good time with them and can be in their company for days on end and still think they are feel-good people at the end of your time together.

I have this opinion that only 1 in every 100 people you meet is going to be this kind of person to you. That is a very small ratio, and in a way, it is rather sad, but it also makes the feel-good people you meet that much more meaningful. I am fortunate to have met a couple of these soul-mates of mine already. After struggling with a couple of thoughts about life in general this week, I spent the evening on the phone to one of my feel-good people, and I managed to sort through and provide myself with a solution to my thoughts.

One of the greatest problems that I have in my life is that I care too much about what people think. I really do. It becomes a factor in every decision I make in my life. It's terrible - I know. Nicole Antionette of Nicole Is Better wrote a post that relates to this line of thinking. You can read it here. No one really gives as much of a shit as you think they do, so why not do whatever you damn well please, when you damn well please?

I didn't end up making a New Years Resolution because I never stick to them. I don't even have a theme or a philosophy to stick to this year. At least, I didn't. But I think I have found mine. My 2013 philosophy is to live this year doing exactly what makes me happy. Because it is my life, and it's only going to be me lying on my death bed at the end of my life - so why the fuck not?

Excuse my French.

Side Note

I forgot to tell you guys something! And - surprise, surprise - I can't edit my last post because apparently Blogger isn't that advanced. (You might want to do something about this, Internet.)

Anyway, since I'm creating a whole new post for this one video, here's to hoping you find it as funny as I did.

I found it on Bobby's blog, and I just had to share it. It's just my kind of thang.

Click here.

Feel Good Habits

I do apologise for the lack of colour in my latest posts. It makes me want to shiver in shame but nout to be done, I suppose. I just have to sit tight and wait for the internet in my apartment to be installed so I can get on and show you how beautiful my new home is.

My current health-streak is at an all-time high. I suspect it has something to do with the air here in Cape Town. Everyone is so active. It's not hard to spot joggers anywhere in Cape Town, at any time of the day. My flat-mate Nicky (still yet to arrive) and I are signing up to run the Two Oceans Half Marathon this year. So I have 78 days to train in order to run 21km. It shouldn't be an issue: as long as I stick to my current training and eating habits.

Speaking of health and currently-dull blogs, I've started up a Fitness and Health Tumblr page: One Student. One Mission. I'll be using said training and eating habits to pass them on to you (hopefully) and keep you motivated and inspired with all things good and healthy for the body.

Part of the reason I'm so determined to do good by my health is because I went to the Body World's exhibition at the V&A Waterfront a couple of days ago. They dissect (literally and otherwise) the body to such a degree that, by the time you exit the exhibition, you know everything about the human body - what is harmful to it, how it works, the intricate details of aging, how to prolong your life, etc etc. It's an incredible process that produces an outstanding and fascinating exhibition. I wouldn't hesitate to recommend anyone to go and see it.

Since I don't have a picture to sign off this post with, a quote is the next step up.

"I guess what I'm saying is that this all feels very familiar. But it's not mine to be familiar about. I just know that another kid has felt this. This one time when it's peaceful outside, and you're seeing things move, and you don't want to, and everyone is asleep. And all the books you've read have been read by other people. And all the songs you've loved have been heard by other people. And that girl that's pretty to you is pretty to other people. And you know that if you looked at these facts when you were happy, you would feel great because you are describing "unity"."
            - The Perks of being a Wallflower

9 Things I've Learnt In The Last 12 Days

... Never buy too many groceries thinking you're being clever and saving money. Your eyes are definitely bigger than your stomach and everything will end up sitting in the fridge past their sell-by-date. You are only one person.

... It's a good thing you accepted that GPS from mom and dad instead of trying to be hipster and using a map. There's only one area in Cape Town you actually know and it turns out you don't even know your way around it as well as you think you do.

... Never underestimate the importance of friends, as well as the importance of your parents inviting you to dinner. Accept help and company whenever it is offered. It's okay not to do things on your own. You don't have to prove anything to anyone.

... Even though there are two switches for the geyser at the power-box, you will never figure out which one works and you will spend the majority of your mornings trying to figure it out.

... Exploring a new gym on your own is intimidating. You will walk down every passage until you find the ladies changing-room - even the passage to the mens changing-room. You won't find your way to the pool easily. You will look like a simpleton trying to open the gate to the pool. You will want to give up and walk away before you continue to make more of a fool of yourself.

... You should never incorporate so much lemon into your diet that it starts to break down the walls of your stomach and leaves you sitting with your head in the toilet all night.

... You should never try to take advantage of the R5 shooters and R19 jam-jars when you go out clubbing - a mere couple of nights after the toilet-hugging-episode

... It's more than likely that your first apartment won't be top-notch. Almost everything will leak and it will make you want to cry.

... And lastly, sometimes things are too good to be true. Always listen to your gut and never speed up the moving-process for a guy. BIG mistake. Although it won't turn out to be such a bad thing at the end of the day - especially if you've moved to a city as beautiful as Cape Town.