I'm Officially a Newbie (and my iPad is a dumbass)

Oh, God, why?!

-covers face in shame-

Did I not mention the fact that my iPad is a dumbass?! When I type long posts, it eventually stops letting me scroll down which is why I had to type that post, and then this one. It will also explain why my sentence stopped mid-word and it will also explain the "the side jdjdjdjdof the corridor my apartment is on". I giggled at that one.

I don't even know what I wanted to say with the whole "for the r" thing. Anyway. I'm a happy girl. I am a privledged girl. I now live in one of, if not the most, beautiful cities in the world. I have the world at my feet and I am looking forward to many more adventures.

Though that isn't to say I don't miss home a hellava lot. (Hi mom - LOVE YOU)

I'm Officially a Newbie

I'm sitting on a fold-out-mattress on the floor of my new messy bedroom in my new empty apartment in my new beautiful city I now call home. Cape Town. Unfortunately I cannot pleasure your eyes with any visuals of my first-independent-day because I'm blogging off my iPad and to attempt to take and upload pictures by any method that isn't my laptop will not aid my persistent effort to be happy.

However, this day certainly did aid such an effort of mine. After I had been left with the keys of my apartment; after going through the gory admin details with the estate agent; after my little sister had been fetched by a friend - I was alone in my dusty, empty apartment and I had never felt lonelier.

But! Never fear! Thanks to two of my beautiful friends - I had a rich supply of new songs to blow my speakers with and prance around to, pretending I know how to dance. I started putting my belongings into their new places in their new home, found their new places in their new home to be too dusty, found my feet to be pitch-black because of said dust all over my apartment, called mom to ask what to buy at the supermarket and then set off to partake in my first independent shopping expedition.

For someone who considers herself to be the least-domestic person on the planet, I think I pulled off quite a decent job - shopping up a storm and spending more than I had planned to. Student-living isn't going to be easy. I just bought the basics - and I threw in a tub of chocolate mousse because sometimes I like to be a drama and think of future nights involving me crying in front of a black and white romance on tv, tub of dessert in hands, tissues strewn across the room.

I got lost trying to find the parking to the supermarket. But once I arrived back home was when the real fun started. I wish I could take a picture - but since I can't I'll have to describe it. My parking bay is a parallel parking on the bottom level of my apartment block. I have to walk up a winding staircase to reach the first door, which, when opened, blocks one half of the corridor - Murphy's Law: the side jdjdjdjdof the corridor my apartment is on. The front door to my apartment has a trelly-door in front of it. The actual door to the apartment has two locks to it.

Upon arriving at home, I certainly did not want to make two trips to the car to get all the groceries, and so I tried to take everything all at once. I held packets of groceries and single items anywhere I could - I filled up every possible opening. I put things under my arm. I put things in my mouth. I still wasn't able to carry everything. Two trips would have to be made. Once I had reached the top of the winding staircase, I had to put all the groceries down on the stairs to try and find the right key to open the gate with. There are eleventy-thousand keys on the keychain that was given to me. Because the groceries were stacked awkwardly on the stairs, they all started falling down the stairs and out of their packets, and I had to do a professional-dive in order to save the eggs. Once I had the door open, I had to keep it open with one foot, while reaching to try and grasp at what grocery bags I could. I then had to pile the groceries on one side of the door, close the door, and then attempt to pick up th groceries again.

I did this with little ease and moved on to discover my next challenge - I couldn't open the door to my apartment. To be honest, I'm still not sure how it works. I'm not even sure if I'm locking it properly when I leave the building. I didn't know whether I was meant to be two keys in at the same time in both locks - I wasn't sure how I was going to do that. I thought I was going to be locked out of my apartment forever, left only with 18 eggs and a tub of chocolate mousse.

I called mom. Mom didn't answer. I managed to get the door open, and then I killed myself laughing in the kitchen for the next fifteen minutes.

The rest of the day (fortunately/ unfortunately) did not produce as many challenges. After that, I soon left to the V&A Waterfront to meet up with my Aunt and Uncle. We watched The Hobbit, wandered around, bought myself a towel (did anyone actually realise how expensive towels are?!) and shared a plate of sushi on a balcony overlooking the Cape harbour. It was one of the most beautiful nights of my life.

For the r

Drop-by and Deliver: A Treat for the Book Worms (And Christmas-must-read)

This is the first quiet afternoon I've had in a while. Since my room has been packed up (and taken away on the moving-van this afternoon) and my car is gone, there isn't much to do. The only thing left on the agenda is to enjoy my last eight days in Joburg, and to relax.

Throughout this week - seeing people, packing up - all I've wanted to do is read my book. I'm three-quarters of the way through The Chamber by John Grisham and I'm hooked. It can be quite a bad thing because while I should be spending time with the people I won't see for a long time, all I wanna do is bury myself in my small single mattress in my empty room duvet and lose myself in the pages of my book with a cup of coffee in my hand.

I was quite happy to get back to Sam Cayhall and Adam Hall this afternoon. However, I've also found some little gems on the internet that I thought I'd share with you.

I don't often get to read - or I haven't been able to read much over the last couple of years, and so I am taking full advantage of it now. I joined a virtual book club on Facebook called Close Reads Cafe. In turn, this led me to a couple of other wonderful sights.

Novel Sounds - a young adult book blog that combines a song or two with every review. (Books and music? There is seldom a better combination. It also gives me many books to add to my December-January reading list. I love this idea.)

BookMooch - give books away. Get books you want. (An online exchange system - it gives a personal touch to book-shopping - another idea I love.)

And in the spirit of Christmas and remembering loved ones, or spending time with loved ones, I thought this was a beautifully written and very sentimental post - even to those of us who are lucky enough not to have lost anyone close to us. To those who have - I can't imagine what these words must mean to you. Always Do. You'll Be Glad You Did by Ashley Ambirge.

Happy reading/holidays!

Approaching a Milestone

I remember a few months ago I had a countdown for every exciting event that was going to take place in the next six months of my life. It's crazy to look back at that now, and think that every single event that I was looking forward to has now come and gone.

I have finished my mock exams. I have had my Matric Dance. I have had my two year anniversary. I went to Afrojack. I have finished my final exams. I came back from my matric VAC a little over a week ago. Now I am facing the next big stage in my life, and probably the biggest one in years to come: I am moving to Cape Town and starting my indepedent student life.

It's been a crazy December. On the first of the month, as mentioned, I left to Durban with all thirteen girls in my group of friends. We stayed at a guest-house, spent every day on the beach, and spent every evening into the early morning in some club that every matriculant was gathering at that night to drink and dance until sunrise.

Since I have been back, I've been enjoying my mom's home-cooked meals, trying to cure myself of VAC-flu (a common thing at this time of the year) and losing myself in the bliss of having absolutely nothing to do after the hardest year of my life (so far).

In the last few days, my life has been all about moving to the beautiful city of Cape Town. A transport company came and collected my car this afternoon, and tomorrow I'm packing my bedroom up into boxes and sending it off to meet me in my new home. I've been so excited - so, so excited. I haven't even stopped to think about what this all means, and what I am leaving behind. I am been so focused on what is in front of me. Some may argue that's a good thing - but I'm forgetting to relish what matters in my daily life now...

... until the other day. I can't remember what it was that brought the reality of my move to my attention, but when it happened, the tears, of course, flowed. Now I am busy trying to see all of the people who won't be in Cape Town next year, spending time in my home, and with my incredible mom who won't find letting me go easy - on any level. I keep looking at the small things in my life now with tears in my eyes, because no matter how excited I am, this house I live in now has been my home for eight years, and all the most significant moments and years of my life have been spent here.

Though, not wanting to cry too much, I've been thinking forward to next Saturday. My plane lands at 11h40 after which I will meet the estate agent with the keys to my apartment. I will wait for my belongings and car to be dropped off with me. I will do my first grocery shop of my own, and I will go to the beach. I cannot emphasise how often I will be going to the beach next year. Plus - the beaches of Cape Town? There really is nothing better.

P.S. I'm got my man back in my life, and I've never been happier. Life was never the same without him. I guess sometimes you do have to be without something (or in this case - someone) to know how much better your life actually was with it (or in this case - him) and how much you took for granted.

The things that went though my mind today

Before I start my list of thoughts; it was Diwali yesterday, for those who didn't know. There were fireworks going on for most of the night. Our dog, Bella, is terrified of a couple of noises - namely fireworks, cars going around the racing-track nearby and vuvuzela's. This is how she sat for the majority of last night.

As for my thoughts...

• Mom, please don't make me get out of this bed to drive you somewhere.

• Nicole, stop being a bad daughter. Get out of bed. Good.

• Why do I choose to eat so much McDonalds?

• Actually, don't eat the McDonalds even though you bought it. GIVE ALL THE FOOD AWAY.

• Why don't I spend enough time with my sister?

• Oh, that's why. 

• The extremity of how bad my eyesight is is beginning to scare me.

• Why is This Is Not That Blog so funny?

• Why am I such a bad artist that I can't even get my stickmen to look right?

• What if my roommates boyfriend kills me next year?

• What if I have a screaming match with him at a club and can't go home?

• Where will I go? Who will I stay with?

• F. Scott Fitzgerald is my inner soulmate. I'm sure of it.

• I think I'm in love with Justin Bieber. What?! Shut up, subconscious! You don't know what you're saying! It's the exam-boredom!

• Oh no wait, I'm still hooked on Keanu Reeves after watching The Matrix last night.

• What's for dinner?

• And Robert Downey Junior because he's just heaven on earth.

• Am I into older men?

• No, Nicole.

• I'm going to read all of the books that Charlie was given to read in Perks of being a Wallflower.

• I'm ready to be mind-f***ed by Existentialism again. Hello, Albert Camus.

• I hope the world doesn't end in December.

• Will I be going to Germany next June/July?

The last thought was the point my mind exploded purely because of how overwhelming it is. Uhm, hello?! Germany?! My dream come true. Watch this space, kids.

So - that was my day. Studying really is getting to me, clearly. I feel like I have cabin fever. I am practically living for November twenty-sixth when I can be free of this psychological, emotional oppression I am under.

Some people think I tend to be a bit of a drama queen. Sometimes I disagree. Right now I do not.

I will leave you with a quote I found today by Fitzgerald - he really is my favourite. It's quote from his book Magnetism - I haven't read it yet but it's on my list.

'Think how you love me,' she whispered. 'I don't ask you to love me always like this but I ask you to remember.'

'You'll always me like this to me.' 

'Oh no; but promise me you'll remember.' Her tears were falling. 'I'll be different but somewhere lost inside me there'll always be the person I am tonight.' 

Alcohol - always a good time

Guess what I just booked myself in for on Saturday?

A tour at the SAB World of Beer. Yes, friends, this is happening.

I've recently taking to drinking beer after a wonderful experience with it a couple of months ago. I've also taken to suppressing the health-freak inside of me that reminds me that every time I drink one beer, I am also eating one loaf of bread. Hush, little freak, hush.

This is also something to add to my Project Joburg - something I have been falling short on, unfortunately. However, I probably have about a month left in Joburg before I pack up and move to Cape Town (I'm thinking mid-December is a decent time to move - in order to get the stress out of the way so that I can enjoy my December holidays elsewhere in the world). Having a month left in this place that I have lived for eight years, I have a couple of things planned, including this SAB World of Beer Tour.

The tour sounds quite fascinating.

Photo source

• A digital surround-sound welcome by Charles Glass, found of South Africa's very own beer, Castle Lager.

• An education on ancient times and their involvements with beer. For example, the ancient world's offering of beer to the gods.

• Meeting Nobantu, a fine beer maker in a small African village, and listening to her as she shows you how to brew sorgum beer which can be sampled after the show.

As well as learning about...

Photo source

• The culture of beer in Europe.

• The arrival of beer in South Africa.

The part I'm probably the most excited for...

• A step into the world of a Sowetan Shebeen.

But wait, I spoke too soon...

• And after the tour has come to a finish, you can sit back and enjoy the view and experience of Newtown with a complementary glass of beer (or two) in hand.

Quite the show it seems, doesn't it? Alcohol - always a good time.

Face to Face

I don't know where anyone would be without family - especially myself. I am convinced I have the most supportive family in the world. I don't get to see most of them that often, as we are all spread out all over the world, but we are still as close as anything.

One of the people I turn to in life is my uncle. I'm been speaking to him a lot about my life, my future, and the journey through life with all its dark times and happy times. He sent me an email a couple of days ago that I just had to share a part of it. It's full of wisdom, intellect, experience and complete sincerity.

I was also amazed / proud of your thinking around finding yourself on your OWN terms. Again, you are wise beyond your years as not everyone has the clarity of thought to even do this / realise this is something we need to do. We live in a society where we have a desperate need to be 'accepted' (naturally, no great surprise there) - the hassle is that we sometimes needlessly 'take on board' things that we believe will get us accepted more readily. Problem is that we do this unconsciously pretty much all the time and over a long period of time. Then one day you open your eyes and realise you might have been sleep walking through your life and you have (somehow) gotten in to a position where you are living by a certain set of ideals that aren't yours and don't fulfil your spirit / being. Life has taught me that there are no absolutes really and that your character is very much shaped by the society and set of circumstances around you - simply put the person you are now will NOT be the person you are in ten years time, life will have changed your thoughts, people will have challenged your ideas and ideals and you will have been moulded. All that said, before you leap out into the bigger and wider world spending time working out who you are, what your values are and how you want to live your life is VERY important. If you are able to come up with your defining broad level principles you will be able to make better informed decisions further down the road that mean you remain true to yourself.  

I understand too your desire to get on out into the world and give it a good shake - after all that is where all the action is! I absolutely guarantee you there are a myriad of possibilities, countless different avenues you can journey down and lovely / weird / downright strange people you will meet. You will find so many versions of 'the truth' as there are as many 'realities' as you care to imagine. Now, linking to the above paragraph, if I was ever to offer up some advice it would be, before you set off on that next adventure, spend quality time defining what YOU want to get out of life and what you want YOUR life to look like. Spend time to define it broadly, take on views and opinions of wise people around you and come up with a 'road map' that kind of sets out your path to achieving your goals, dreams and aspirations. One goal might be to be a University graduate and to do something amazing in the world of medicine etc. Once you have all that broadly defined, and as you set out and meet all these different realities / people / ideas you merely have to refer to your 'road map' to ensure you remain 'true' to yourself. I took much longer than one year's 'gap' between high school and training as a finance person - and I can't tell you how many paths I ventured down in that time. In some ways it was a miracle I actually came back to train up to do something other than just following my nose. Some of those who I journeyed with in that particular period of life didn't choose to train up further - they seemed happy to go where ever it was that the wind seemed to blow them. In my opinion that was not the wisest decision as, in choosing that approach, you aren't REALLY in control of your destiny. I still know a few of them and they are the first ones to admit that they messed up on the opportunities they had earlier in life.  

I smiled at you saying that you are in the middle of your glory years... I view is that I am (now) in the middle of MINE (albeit at the advanced age of 40!). Made me realise that perhaps there is no specific time in life that can be considered true 'glory' years but perhaps the answer is - or the challenge should be - to ensure we live the WHOLE of our lives as one long 'glorious life'! How amazing it must be to be able to get to the end of our allotted time on earth, to look at yourself in the mirror and say "I became all I could be"...  

Do you remember a Kings of Leon song (song was 'The Immortals') that I asked you to listen to when you were here for Xmas last year (doubt you will)?? I asked you to listen to it because the words are challenging you to pretty much what you (and I) have been writing about in the last few emails. In essence they are about finding out who you are 'face to face' (my interpretation of that line is that finding out who you are in not something you do in your posse of friends, it is something you do in the mirror - by yourself) and being prepared to wade into life to the fullest extent.

Anyway, the lyrics are pasted below - read 'em through, listen to the song then get out there into the world, make good decisions, don't be afraid to make mistakes and become all you can be.

I would not trade my family for anything. They make me a better person, and always remind me that I am never alone. I have the greatest bunch of people walking right by my side. Because of them, I know love and life.

Brilliant People: Part 1 Guest Post

I have a select number of people who I consider to be my biggest inspirations in life. The essence of their effect on my life is that they further me as a person and challenge me to be bigger and better than I have ever been before.

I have contacted a select few of them to ask them what inspires them. That is one of the most interesting things to me - what drives the people that drive me? Everyone has their own form of motivation, inspirations and driving forces that push them into the future and into themselves.

Without further adieu, one of my first inspirations that I am going to share with you, Khanyi Mashiya - someone I have been friends with since grade five and am still close with today.

I asked her the following two questions, and these were her answers...

What and who are you inspired by and why?

I have 4 main inspirations in my life. Each that bring their own element to my being and dictate the person that I am and want to be.

1. Ellen Degeneres. She just has the ability to make me forget any problems that I'm going through when I watch her. She is the epitome of humility and generosity to me. She makes me want to be a better person and look at the world with a "who cares if the glass is half full or half empty, just drink the damn water!" sort of attitude.

2. The Buried Life cast. (Ben, Dave, Duncan, Jannie). They are 4 average out-of-college guys completing their own list of "100 Things to do before I die" and for everything they cross on their list they selflessly help a stranger cross something off their own. They just echo my philosophy of living your life without the hear of that is isn't what other's expect of you. They have no funds and give back with money they raise on their own. It just shows you don't have to be a "somebody" to change lives.

3) Jamar Rogers, a singer who was diagnosed with HIV/ Aids due to his past drug use. He is now clean and has one of the most loving personalities and beautiful outlooks on life. He simple speaks words of inspiration and motivation. He has helped rid me of some of the SOMETHING that I carried about Aids and shown me nothing can make this life worth not living.

4) My mom. She is my pillar and rock. She had me when she was pretty young, raise me, worked a job and still got through university without anyone's help. She has given most of her life to me. I love her even when I hate her and only hope to be as strong-minded and selfless as her.

What is your philosophy in life?

I believe that everything in life is complemented by what energy you give off, hence my solid affirmation in a little thing called "Karma". I  believe that what you put into this life is what you're going to get out of it. If you're sick and tired of something, shut up and actually do something about it! Lend a purpose to your existence on this earth. And as much as I would love to ramble on about the ideologies of Darwin and Beckett - I can't. Because I guess in some way my own philosophy of life isn't quite complete and concrete. It's kind of being edited every day. I'm a teenage, shoot me. So for now - 'YOLO' will do.

The World As Of Late

As much as I love my country, the one thing I wouldn't hesitate to change about it is its involvement in the festivity of halloween. (Can you describe halloween as being festive?)

If I had to provide a rating as to how involved our country gets in halloween, on a scale of one to ten, it's about negative eleven. I've seen and heard about so many halloween costumes from this year in so many countries all around the world (mainly America - obviously) and seriously, WHAT is up with pumpkin-flavoured-everything?! We don't even get that. I've yet to see a pumpkin - even in the supermarkets. Get your act together, South Africa.

As I haven't been making costumes and carving faces into vegetables, this is what I have been doing...

1. Finally getting my provisional-acceptance to the University of Cape Town.

2. Soaking up the sun when the weather isn't being bipolar.

3. Watching hail storms.

4. Trying to keep sane around insane people.

5. Kicking my own ass in bootcamp.

6. Eating celebratory sushi. (Yesterday, I finished maths FOREVER.)

7. Indulging in my daily dose of Mocha Frappe from McDonalds... it's happiness in a plastic cup - nothing more, and nothing less. If you haven't yet tried it - you haven't yet lived.

8. Studying (only just a bit...)

9. Skyping with the loveliest grandparents in the whole of the United Kingdom.

10. Spending the day with old friends at the racing-track nearby. Can I please be a professional car racer?

11. Drinking cocktails.

12. Playing the most annoying game you can get on any device - CandyShoot. I haven't been able to finish the last level for a couple of months now. This isn't an exaggeration.

One would think I'm not in the middle of finals.

LA-Photography

Lauren Mitchell is a twenty-year-old photographer from Pretoria where she is currently studying at The Open Window School of Visual Communication.

I can't say that I stumbled on her photography, as I have known Lauren for a couple of years but after walking myself through her photography on Facebook, I asked her to take photo's of a group of friends and myself for my Matric Dance. From then until now, I have easily been swept up in the beauty and talent which is laid down in her photography.

I'm in love with her work and I just had to share it. I love it even more for the fact that it is purely South African.

My Matric Dance

A 21st Birthday Shoot

Another Matric Dance

Various Other Shoots

I was dying to pick Lauren's brains a bit and so I asked her why she loves photography and at the same time, what her vision is as a photographer. This was her answer:

Well, I'm really blind. I literally can't see past a meter in front of me but when I look through the lens I can see perfectly. It's just weird that someone so blind is so passionate about something so visual. Everybody these days with an SLR camera is a photographer, but it's not about the beauty of a photo, it's the communication of it. A photo must say something. Good photography doesn't need to be explained, it can be understood through silence. It's more difficult than it sounds, but once you understand it, it just gets better from there.

For anyone that is wondering, Lauren uses a Nikon D5100. You can find her LA-Photography Facebook page by clicking here.

Sharing South Africa

Most of the blogs I read are written by women who live in Europe or America.  No one lives in Africa. Perhaps I'm not looking in the right place - not that it's an issue at all.

I know that there are a lot of misguided views about Africa, and even South Africa. People think we live in huts and ride elephants to school (seriously - friends of mine have been asked this while overseas) and it always makes me laugh. Even living in South Africa, some of my friends have asked where we got our food in Zimbabwe, or if white people live there (from the shops, and yes they do). During the FIFA World Cup 2010, many foreigners did not want to visit South Africa because of the high crime rate and everyone thought we could not do it - we could not host a successful world cup. Guess what? That month was one of the best months of my life. After the month ended, everyone took back their previous comments and congratulated us on an outstanding effort.

If you've never visited Africa, or South Africa, before, you won't truly understand how beautiful it is. There is no place like home. Whenever I am in Europe, I miss Africa. I miss the openness. I miss home. I have friends who aren't from South Africa but have lived here for a number of years, and moving back to Europe, they always talk about how much they miss South Africa, and I don't blame them.

I now turn to you and ask - what is it that you wonder about South Africa? What do you want to know? If you had to visit my country (for the first time or even the sixth time) - which cities would you visit? What sites would you see? What stories have you heard about my country - perhaps ones that seem misguided? When you think of South Africa, what stands out for you? What sites would you see? What would you try out? What can you do here that you can't do anywhere else in the world? Even if you are from South Africa, what things do you wish you did more of? I know that living here, I don't take as much advantage of this country as I could. When said European friends visit South Africa, we always do so much more with them and see so much more of this country than we ever do on our own. It's terrible.

I'd love to hear your thoughts in order for me to show you what a beautiful country I live in. I'd love to show it off and at the same time, give you what you want. There is so much to know about the world and doing my part by providing that much more knowledge on South Africa would be a pleasure.

P.S. My photo's are taking way too long to download, so that's all I'll be putting up for now. Also, I know both are from Cape Town but do you know what it's like to be in love with a city?

The Last Stretch

It's been a crazy couple of weeks.

There was Matric Dance (a disappointment, in my opinion. Perhaps if we hadn't been so late we would have been able to appreciate more of it. By the time we arrvied, everyone was already eating their starters. Apparently we also missed the letting-go of balloons, although here is no photographic evidence of such an event, so there remains a missing link...)

Always on my mind and in my heart.

I have dangerous love for this girl.

I love each and every one of these girls with my heart
and soul.

Paragliding in Cape Town.

A new camera (thanks dad).

Arts on Main

Blue Jean and T-shirt signing day at school

Tangaroa Strawberry Farm

Cocktails. (Life is hard, huh?)

Our last day of school - we come dressed up in our
preparatory uniforms.

Final assembly. The exec (leading student body at school)
sang and danced to Gangnam Style.

Matric breakfast.

Matric braai.

The last four pictures were all from yesterday - it was honestly one of the best days of my life. The assembly was amazing and trust me, usually the matric assemblies aren't. Usually they are rushed, unorganized and as a whole, not very good. I am not being biased, but our assembly was a huge success. It was funny, talented, organised and emotional. It included everything. I am really proud of this grade and I love them with my whole heart. These are the kids I have grown up with since I moved to South Africa in 2004. I have a hard-drive full of old pictures of us looking awkward and gawky - in the stages of growing up. I have tons of pictures of us now, grown-up and self-assured. These are the kids I have spent every day with for the past eight years of my life. I will never forget them. I have shared the happiness memories with him. I am going to miss them like crazy.

Another big thing that has happened recently was the break-up between Johnathan and I. It was tough, but it was necessary. I'm finding happiness in other things and it is, surprisingly, easier than I thought it would be. That's probably because my day-to-day life hasn't changed - I never used to see him because of the distance, and I still don't. The only thing that has changed is that we don't talk. I love him. I will always love him. I have never shared so much of my life with one person, and I probably won't for a long time. I'm ready to make the next few years about myself - to love and respect myself and to find myself in all sorts of unfamiliar places. Perhaps if the future is kind, I can continue sharing my life with him. I don't have any expectations. I have hopes and thoughts, certainly, but no expectations. I am luck to be someone who has always found it easy to be happy - I don't know why. I am probably one of the most positive people you will ever know. For now I am grateful to have shared a part of my life with someone that made me grow so much and gave me so many new views on life. He challenged me on a daily basis. If you're reading this baby (for not feeling comfortable in calling you anything else), I love you. I hope you are smiling.

I wrote more than I thought I would. I expected this to be a very rushed post because I have my Valediction tonight (my South African graduation) - in forty-five minutes actually.

Mom and Dad leave to Zimbabwe tomorrow. Mom comes back on Sunday and so my sister and I are alone for a few days. I shouldn't be excited to say this, and I'm not proud of it either, but I'm so undomesticated - I can't emphasise that enough. In Cape Town I had to go buy socks and I ended up coming home empty-handed because like... where do you buy socks? I can't grocery shop either. I'm lazy to make food for myself. I have no motivation to study for finals which start in six days. This is going to be a fun few days. I don't doubt I'll be blogging when I'm avoiding studying to fill you in on the chaos that has reigned in the O'Neill household.

Wish me luck!

I am nothing special of this, I am sure. I am just a common man with common thoughts. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But I've loved another will all my heart and soul, and to me, that has always been enough.

- Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

and because I have a few different emotions towards this post...

You do not need to be loved - not at the cost of yourself. The single relationship that is truly central and crucial in life is the relationship with the self. Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will ever lose.

- Jo Coudert

and one more...

Did you say it? "I love you. I don't ever want to live without you. You changed my life." Did you say it? Make a plan. Set a goal. Work towards it. But every now and then, look around, drink it in 'cos this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow.

- Greys Anatomy

The first three photo's were taken by Lauren Mitchell. She takes the most stunning photo's. I'm in love with them. You can find her Facebook page here.

I'm in Love with EVERYONE in Hollywood

My last exam is tomorrow. The weather is beautiful and hot. I'm on the verge of going over my daily post limit on Tumblr - again. This morning I swallowed my new red tongue ring (just the top barble though - not the whole thing): what a sad state of affairs. Red is my thang.

Me in the sun. It's my best friend, today.

Life is good.

After watching Suits yesterday for the first time, I just had to share my little "list" with you because I fell in love with Harvey Spector - played by Gabriel Macht. I remember watching him along side Mandy Moore in Because I Said So. Even then he was gorgeous and now he plays a lawyer - oh baby, baby.

If you haven't watched Friends before - get out of my face. Just kidding - but go watch it. If you have watched it - I love you. Do you remember the one episode when Ross and Rachel spoke about their "List"? It was a list holding the names of celebrities that he or she could... as you would say - get together with - if they ever got the chance and their partner couldn't get mad. Johnathan and I have one, too.

Without further adieu, my list:

• Gabriel Macht
• Ryan Gosling
• Jake Gyllenhaal 
• Jared Leto

Oh baby, baby.  I would sell my family for these men. (Hi mom). Also: anyone with an Irish accent - and maybe Andrew Garfield, too - not when he smiles though. His smile is a tad creepy. Maybe I could just close my eyes.

Have you seen the video of that little girl on Youtube who cries because she loves Justin Bieber so much? I almost reached that level of desperation the other night after watching Ryan Gosling in Crazy, Stupid, Love.

I am almost never this pathetic but there comes a time for everything, does there not?
I'll get Johnathan to give me his list for my next post.

Who's on your list?

My I-Don't-Care-Attitude, its Positive Outcomes and Two Years-Worth of Dating

*creeps back into the blogosphere as if I never left*

It's been a crazy couple of weeks. After my third week of exams during which I had an exam every single day - I stopped caring. I, instead, continued to enjoy my life as if exams did not exist. This is a very bad attitude, I am aware - when finals come around (in a month's time) I will get my head screwed on again. For now - it is rolling off into the distance and I'm quite content with this.

Since the last time I was serious about life a few things have happened.

I got a tongue ring.

Minutes after I got it - excuse the blood.

The other day - tongue is back to normal.

I've never wanted a tongue ring - ever, but I've been holding up a risk-taking-attitude and along with Samantha Ross - you can find her blog here - we made a deal to get one together. If it wasn't for her and the rest of my terrible friends (nudge nudge, wink wink) that wouldn't let me back out - I would have dropped out of the deal like the weakling I am! However, as you can see, I did go through with it. I promised my family I would take it out after VAC in December but I'm pretty much in love with it now so... yeah. That's not happening.

The following night I went out with friends, and because we went to the place where I bartended a couple of times, I scored so many free drinks thanks to being friends with the bartenders, and from the people I met when I was bartending. It was a wonderful night, as one can imagine - the best I have had in a long time.

The next day I took what turned out to be a mini-roadtrip with Samantha to Pretoria. After seeing the Matric Dance dress of a girl I know, I decided I no longer liked mine, and would go off in search of the shop from which she hired her dress. Sam is actually awful with directions. Simply awful. After traveling on the highway for a while, I felt as if we had just gone too far. Sam told me to take the next off-ramp which led us to Centurion. I pulled off in the parking lot of the closest shopping center to call the shop assistant with whom I had the appointment. She told me to get back onto the highway and take the Ryder off-ramp. It turns out I didn't know how to get back onto the same highway continuing into Pretoria, so we ended up traveling back to Johannesburg until I gave in and canceled my appointment. Continuing on the highway back home - I, again, felt that I had gone too far. We took the next off-ramp  and landed up by Home Affairs. Only once I had gotten hold of the GPS on my iPad did we find ourselves safely back at home. That day I saw many new areas of Gauteng I wouldn't have seen without Sam.

I went to Melrose Arch a couple of times - once with a friend and once with my mom. It's honestly a mini-city. When my friend Jhayde told me that, I assume she meant it was just so big it could be considered a mini-city. But no - when I entered the premises I felt as if I was in London, just with a lot less people. It has little traffic lights, pedestrian crosses and even a High Street. It's huge. I loved it. I could go wild there. I'm planning on spending a day there this coming weekend - last minute Matric Dance purchases, you see. On the way back from my first visit to Melrose Arch, I didn't take any off-ramp and continued on going towards the airport. The highway is a horrible, bastard thing.

I saw The Dark Knight Rises yesterday - finally! It was brilliant. The twists made me so happy - mainly the last two.

The final item of news: today is my boyfriend's and my second year anniversary. (Go us!) In honour of this, I thought I'd share a couple of stories from our two years together.

• The first time I flew to Cape Town to visit him, we spent the day being tourists in the heart of Cape Town. We went to Camps Bay for lunch, but before lunch we went for a walk on the beach. When the weather in Cape Town is good - it is beautiful. We took our tops off to tan a bit while we walked. But alas, we forgot about the wind that exists at the beach. It was fairly high and mighty that day and was blowing sand into us - so hard that it stung like a [insert a selection of bad words here]. We ran to the nearest covering of rocks to get away from it - not that it helped until we got our tops back on. I'm crying from laughter as I write this.
• During the same holiday - and maybe the same day - we went on the Red Bus Tour which is exactly what it says - a tour you book to go on at the waterfront. There is a red or a blue bus that will take you on different routes around Cape Town. You can get on and off, as long as you present your ticket whenever you get back on the bus. We got off in the center of town - near Long Street and we got completely lost. Johnathan studied a map while I giggled on the side.
• I have a problem with following other people. When I am not concentrating when I'm driving, I will follow the car in front of me. In December, Johnathan and I went to London together. He left before I did, and I dropped him off at the airport. We took the underground tubes, you see. We had to get off at a station to change trains, and because I wasn't concentrating, I got off the tube and following the man in front of me directly onto the next tube. Johnathan followed suit and was not amused when we discovered we were heading in the wrong direction because I had taken the wrong train.

More stories include small things like drunken phone calls, playstation sessions in which I am either watching Johnathan play FIFA or I am playing with him and getting angry at the fact that I cannot play it to save my life, watching chick-flicks in which Johnathan can get quite worked up, so many restaurant dates because all we do when we are together is eat. When Johno is tired, he gets quite energetic (the logic escapes me) and annoying. So annoying that you can't be around him. However, because I'm his girlfriend and we're in a long distance relationship, when I am with him in his tired/energetic state, I'm forced to stay put. This leads to him covering me in blankets to make me claustrophobic, wrestling me so much that I get too hot or it hurts which in turns leads to me elbowing him in the nose and giving him a blood-nose. It's all very romantic you see.

I got these today:

Lucky girl, no? Happy Second Year Anniversary, baby.

I've amused myself writing this post. Thank you, blogosphere.

Updated:
I started a Tumblr blog today - is that what you say? Tumblr blog? Anyway, I went into one of my frenzies, and I exceeded my daily post limit. You can find the page here because it WASN'T ALL FOR NOTHING.

Another Exam-Frenzy...

... what?! I mean... tooootally studying...

I started yoga yesterday at a place called the Haum of Yoga. I've seen the sign post for it, and I've been dying to try it out - I just never got around to it until my fitness-health-freak-of-a-best-friend got us both up off our lazy asses. I loved it, and although I can't feel it as much as she can this morning, I can feel the stretch in my legs when I walk. Or wash. In the shower. Anyway...

So here's a question I have for all you bloggers who have spent the majority of your independent life traveling - how do you do it?

I currently have ten blogs bookmarked that are all about travel, and each belongs to a twenty-something blogger and those are only the ones I have bookmarked - I have visited so many others! They all travel, and have been doing so for a while. It is my ultimate dream to travel all over the world - and that's not exaggeration. I've travelled before - sure. I've been to:

• England (more than a few times)
• France (on a school-tour in 2009)
• Australia
• Zambia (I lived there)
• Zimbabwe (obviously - I was born there)
• Monaco (spent the day there on French tour in 2009 as mentioned above)
• Tanzania (beautiful)
• Mauritius

Thus, it is fair to say that I have travelled, but not as I would like to travel. I feel like I'm acting like a spoilt-kid but, firstly, because I haven't ever been old enough to really take in my surroundings. I went to France when I was fifteen, and I always say that I wish I had gone when I was older.

The problem is that all these holidays were because of my dad's hard-work which provided us with the money to travel and for that I am eternally grateful. But I'm not going to be living off my dad's money forever. Next year I move into my own apartment, I start my first year studying at a tertiary institution and I start my own independent life. I have a small job now as a part-time driver for a friend's brother, and it pays well and I'm saving the money for (a new idea of mine that I came up with the other day) a holiday to Brazil in 2014 for the FIFA World Cup (before I was just saving because I can) - but it hardly allows me an annual holiday of my own. But here I read about people who live in a different city every year, or will travel to multiple countries within a year.

Perhaps one of the most inspiring people I look up to is Adventurous Kate, someone I have been following for a while now. She travels the world for six months, and lives at home in England for another six months. Or another - someone I just found today - Expat Edna who lives in a different city every year while maintaining a career, and being engaged to someone who doesn't even travel with her.

My other concern is also what career path to take. I get bored very easily, my back gets sore when I sit for too long and I hate routine. I am studying fitness next year - it's an amazing course - which will allow me to work on cruise ships if I choose to go that route, but I want to go on to study and graduate with a degree. I'm interested in law, marketing, fitness, health, beauty, nutrition - general wellbeing. But what will allow me to travel? And as a student - how do you earn enough money to travel the world as I have read in so many blogs?

Perhaps I am looking in the wrong place. As a student-traveler, I know it won't be a life of luxury and I'm not looking for that. I am looking for experience, people and culture - not a huge hotel bed in which you can find yourself lost in its fluffy, white duvet. If the experience, people and culture means I have to sleep in a dorm with other travelers and sacrifice meals - I welcome it whole-heartedly.

There is a world out there that I have no choice but to see before my dying-day. I crave it. So, I ask you, how do you do it?

In other news: today marked the first day of Spring in South Africa and I love it. I love the sun and I could spend all day in it. I have spent the morning in it, but unfortunately it is distracting me from my studies. First World Pains.

And on that note - back to the books.

(And just for a bit of extra information - that photo on being 22, physically fit and hungry? Yeah. I had to dig through 1777 photo's on my iPad to find that. 1777!!!!! Courtesy of my 9GAG obsession - that was your first guess, right?)

Ambiguity towards the Internet and Blog and Anniversary Madness

I really should disconnect my MacBook, iPad and all other electronic devices from my wi-fi during exam season or get my mom to change our password, but, *scoffs*, who am I kidding?

I get these things which I like to call exam-frenzies, when I spend hours on the internet, jumping from blog to blog, and falling in love with so many people and their stories. These frenzies, as hunky-dory and as heart-warming as they are, really don't come at the best of times. They don't come before exams start, or after, but instead, smack-bang in the middle of them. It's probably because I wrote the worst maths exam of my life today, and now my brain is rejecting any sort of mental involvement with academics, but I have an english exam tomorrow, and so I'm not stressed and I can allow myself this one day of debauchery.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, if you would look to your right, you will see A MILLION NEW BLOG BUTTONS I HAVE ADDED TO MY PAGE BECAUSE OH MY GOODNESS THIS MADNESS WILL NEVER END!

I also added my button - my very first! Glory glory. But, seriously, go check out the new blogs I've linked to. I only link the best of the best - the ones I fall in love with.

In other news, it is my second year anniversary next month with my heart and soul. Again, very hunky-dory, until I tell you my dilemma. For our first year anniversary, I got him a chain with a ring on it. For our year-and-a-half-anniversary, I engraved the ring. I've cooked him low-carb cookies for his birthday because he was on the Atkinson's Diet. I've thrown him a surprise party. I've made him a collage. I've bought him books, and tons of Manchester United things (his true love, you understand). I really should have done what he did, and started small with the presents and then worked my way up, but, no, I like to go all out. ALL THE TIME. Until now. Now I have absolutely no idea what to do. There is also the tiny fact that our second year anniversary is also SMACK-BANG in the middle of exams, and so we won't be spending the day together.

**cue: heart sobs**

If anyone has any ideas, feel free to throw them around in the comments below. Key words, even. I don't care. I'm very creative. Give me a thread and I'll create a masterpiece. You know, if I do say so myself.

Thank you, lovely humans. All my love.

If you're the Smartest Person in the Room

I make a point to surround myself with people who challenge me on a daily basis. Just like that quotation, "if you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room."

A couple of years ago, I remember my mom telling me about an article she read on Sandra Bullock who spoke of the same thing - "Always choose people who are better than you. Always choose people that challenge you and are smarter than you. Always be the student." I don't know if I formed the basis of my opinion and growing-self on what my mom told me that day, but I stand behind her belief and strong in my own belief. There is so much to know and learn from the world. There is so much about history, current affairs, culture and the world in general that you will never know, because life is too short and there is far too much information out there. That saddens me, but if I can make a point to better myself as much as I can, and learn as much as I can in my short time here on earth, then I will be content.

I find that, sometimes, we don't realize that we are standing next to one of the greatest people on earth. One of the best things about being at one school for so long, and finishing school with the same group of people, is that you one day find that one of your first friends in grade four turned out to be one of the most challenging, deepest people to ever stand beside you. You can hardly believe that that kid then, is this adult now. It astounds me.

This reverie is for a purpose. One of my dearest friends, Busang Senne, wrote a blog post a couple of days ago that I just read this morning. I am still sitting here in wonder, and I just had to share it because it is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read. It is beautiful in every sense of the world.

You can find her blog post here.

The Best and The Worst - The Last Days

Spring is on its way. I have been lying in the sun for the past couple of hours and I can't tell you how heavenly it is. I've come indoors to blog a bit before going out into the sun to carry on studying, and I'm beginning to feel a bit sleepy, lying here on my bed. Nevertheless, it has been the best part of my day, apart from having my matric dance dress delivered (*wiggles bum*) and going shopping for shoes. It was all very glitz-y glamour this morning, and mom and I finished off with iced coffee's and cinnamon sticks at Cinnabon.

Despite recent family issues, and the hardest exams of the year just about the corner, life is beautiful at the moment. I am happy, focused and full of life which is more than I can say for myself this time last year - quite the opposite actually. I am the luckiest girl in the world to have the life that I do. I have the most heart-warming family, the best boyfriend and the most life-changing friends who I am going to miss so much next year.

We should always turn towards the thoughts and choices which create, not destroy, and so, speaking of next year - I finally have an apartment and I am moving into it, together with my very first best friend all the way back in grade one when I still lived in Zim. Who knew? The course I am doing next year is fantastic. It has everything from fitness and nutrition, to public speaking and marketing. I have been accepted and have put down my deposit for it.

Although the academic part of school leaves much to be desired at this point with my first exam on Friday - History paper one - it has still been some of the best couple of weeks of my life, and will continue to be even better. I had my last two drama practicals exams - ever - last weekend. I love performing and it gives me an elated, soulful feeling that I haven't gotten from anything else before, but it was definitely time to lay it to rest.

We had our forty-days last week Tuesday which was awesome. It marked our last forty days of high-school classes and the entire grade came dressed up to the theme "what I want to be when I grow up". It's also a day during which we let go a bit - for example, five matrics drove their cars onto the field, and one drifted. Mind you, they did get in trouble and were sent home. Apparently someone has been suspended from our Matric Dance, but such stories like to make their way around our school from time to time. I went as a fairy because when I was a young, wee thing, my mom used to leave us notes as "our fairy" that we used to reply to. We learned that everyone had their own fairy that was there to look after them until they grew up. I dare anyone to tell me that I don't have the best mom. It worked until I realised my fairy's writing was exactly the same as my mom - just one thousand times smaller.

Class of '12.

A baby (never wanted to grow up - geddit?) and a nun.

Two babies, and Barney. Fitting.

Me and Minnie (Mickey?) Mouse. (I was a fairy)

The five-heroes of August the fourteenth.

How To Get Out Of Maths Class 101.

A baby, and a fairy. 

This weekend I went away for my sister's sixteenth birthday - just for the one night. We didn't go far - we just went to the Lion Park which is not far from where I live at all. It was a nice change, and something to experience - perhaps a part of Project Joburg, but I wouldn't officially say so.

I also watched The Devil's Advocate with Al Pacino. If you haven't seen it... go. Right now!

I hope you see things that stop you. 

I hope you feel things that you've never felt before.  

I hope you live a life that you are proud of and if you find that you are not, 

I hope you have the strength to start all over again. - Eric Roth